Beloved
by Shannah-theMusician
Summary: Christine still feels confused about her feelings for Erik. She doesn't know if she should fear or love Erik. Meanwhile, Erik's feelings are still unstable. Leroux-based. EC. Hint of E/OC. [ Rated T because I'm paranoid. ]


**_Christine still feels confused about her feelings for Erik. She doesn't know if she should fear or love Erik. Meanwhile, Erik's feelings are still unstable. Leroux-based._**

* * *

_A/N: Hey there. This is somewhat inspired by the anime song All Alone With You by EGOIST. This happens while Christine is still in Erik's lair and so on. Even though this is Leroux based, I made a few changes. And I used the 2004 setting 'coz yeah._

_The scenes maybe or are inaccurate and/or not in order. Sorry if it is short. Might undergo revisionnnn._

**_._**

_Chapter 1:  
__Love_

"I love you, Christine." Erik unhesitatingly said as he kneeled down in front of Christine, taking her hand in his bony hands.

Christine closed her eyes and did her best to ignore Erik's scent of death. She could not look Erik in his pleading eyes without feeling any sadness or guilt. This is the third time Erik said it to her. And every time Erik would say it, his dark eyes bring such sadness, his bony hands were as cold as a carcass, and his velvety voice sang the words passionately.

At first, oh how Christine wished her Angel of Music can be a mortal like her! She dreamt of a prince sweeping her away from her sadness and grieve. All of her fantasies and dreams of her angel all had happy endings, and a handsome angel. Judging from this scene, she could not possibly even thinking of having any ending with her so-called Angel of Music.

Christine couldn't bring herself to be angry at Erik. At first, she could have. But when she saw the _man _behind the black mask, a drastic change came to her feelings. How did it come to this? Christine would be a liar if she would say that she had not said that she loved her Angel. She said it so many times, much more than she has counted, but not once did she felt any love and passion waver when she did so. Christine felt that, if she were to say it now, she would feel utter disgust. Love was never to be taken for granted, and she felt like she had taken it for granted.

"E-Erik..." she muttered in a low voice. "I... I'm sorry..."

"You are already forgiven, Christine. But, please, ask next time if you want to see the monster behind the mask."

"That's not what I meant. Erik, I..." she trailed off, still not opening her eyes.

Then, she felt Erik's skeleton figure embrace her. "Then what is it?"

"I'm sorry... I feel like I've fooled you..."

"No. You're as innocent as-"

"I freely said 'I love you' when I was a child. I made you feel hope. Hope that I am in love with you!..."

There were minutes of silence.

"What can Erik do, Christine? What can Erik do for you to love him? You know Erik will do all for you! Erik's love can do everything!... Except make his horrid monstrous face disappear." Erik said.

"I-I want everything to go back like it was before... But..."

"Erik cannot undo the past but Erik will his my best for you. What else? If Erik does this will you love Erik, Christine?" Erik was addressing himself as the third person way too many times. Christine noticed that, every time he did so, he would do an incredibly stupendous act or he would have his very unstable mood swings.

"Oh, Erik... Please, just return me to the surface. There is still something that covers my mind and heart with mist. I feel, still, confused and naïve."

There was another awkward silence between them. Erik lets go of Christine's figure and then kneels down in front of her and holds her hands. This time, he softly puts a gentle kiss on her hand which made Christine pull it from him.

"Everything you have seen and heard is too much for you, my Angel. I will wait. I will act as if nothing happened. Now, come. I shall return you to the surface. On one condition."

At first, Christine could not believe her ears. Erik was actually going to let her go! After threatening her, after showing how wicked he is, after locking her up, he was actually going to free her. But as she repeats those words, she remembers the last sentence. _On one condition. _Immediately, she remembered Raoul.

"What is your condition, Angel?"

"Do not marry. Do not fall for anyone, I beg, I plead, I ask. Give me enough time... I will prove it to you. I am not wicked! Love me and I will prove it to you."

For the unknownth time, Christine's heart broke at his words, his voice, and his request. She knew that once she looks at his eyes, she would helplessly agree. Without even looking and noticing, she had already agreed to him. Her head involuntarily nodded. Erik's very thin lips formed a smile.

* * *

Christine silently but hurriedly went to the dormitories. The dormitory is empty but the halls and corridors she passed to get to the dormitory is not. The other dancers and stage people either held a glass of liquor, or a cigarette, or even both! As soon as she reaches her bed, she freely falls on it, her back landing first on the somewhat comfortable has she felt so guilty and heartbroken. Erik can be a great actor. Therefore, acting as if nothing ever happened would be no deal for him. Christine was otherwise. She was a singer and a ballerina. Her acting skills are very rusty. But, if it were only an exchange of dialogues with feelings in the voice she produced, maybe she can. She sits up on the bed, putting the lower part of her dress between her folded legs.

With trembling hands, Christine folds them. Her warm hands against each other, her head looking to the ceiling, yes, she prayed. She prayed for Erik and for herself.

_Lord, help me with our Angel of Music. My mind says that he is not wicked, but my heart says otherwise. Which is right?... My heart that says that I should love my childhood friend, Raoul, or My mind that says to look past his deformity. Oh, why did you put us in this burdensome situation? Perchance Erik would still be as genial as he is now if his features was like any other. But, I do not question of his existence, rather his mind. Is it really me who is destined to love him? My heart belongs to Raoul, but Erik and my mind says otherwise. Ah, but dear Lord, I cannot understand Love. I daresay I am in Love with Raoul – and before, Erik- when it is all just infatuation! Shame to me! I have acted boldly, forgive my pitiful soul. I admit that I am a fool for doing acts so boldly, and how foolish also that I have just realized. _

_I hope that you are hearing this prayer for me and Our Angel of Music. Do I still dare call him an Angel of Music when he has deceive me for so, so long? Oh but how I will lament if his voice that has comforted me when no one was there would disappear. Erik just wants a normal life. A life with a normal face, a beautiful wife who he can walk with on Sundays, and music!... How my tears trickle from remembering his simple yet almost unachievable dream. How my tears trickle from remembering his eerie golden eyes; how my tears now stream like a river when I remember his eyes which carry the world's cruelty and sadness! I... I- My thoughts and feelings are in contradiction while Erik's, oh Erik, feelings for me is as strong as iron clad armor. Help me. Help me know who is it. Who is the person on the other end of the red string of fate? _

_Help me to know! I do not want to be naïve anymore. How do I love? How can I tell whether it is infatuation or love? Help my poor heart so that it does not do acts to put so much hope like with poor Erik! I feel much pity for my dear Raoul and poor Erik but... but... I am finding much difficulty in knowing what to say. I have said all the words that run in my thoughts in this prayer. My heart knows more than my mind, and I pray that You understand and know what is it my mind cannot process._

_Help poor Erik. If it is not I who is his destined lover, then help him find her. I do not want to see his golden eyes look at me with sadness and loneliness. How my heart aches from remembering so. Now... now my tears could not even stop! If it is not I who is his true Angel, then let me search for his. Make him not use the mask that would make him blend in a motley crowd, rendering others to believe he is normal, when he is not! Oh, do not think this is a selfish wish. If it is not I who is to love him, then help me find her. She who will look past his mask. She who will love him for what he really looks like, not because of a mask that makes him blend with any other human. She who will not leave him despite his imperfections with his feelings. She who will appreciate his heart of Gold. She who will look at him with loving eyes and not look away with disgust when she hears him say, 'I love you'. _

_I confess, I do not know if I can love Erik! His face is too horrendous for me to tolerate. It is shallow and cruel of me, I admit. Help my poor soul to tolerate his face, if it cannot fully accept it. I want to be his dearest friend as he was to me when I was a child._

Christine ended her small prayer. She unfolds her hands and wipes her still streaming tears. No longer can she contain the silence of her muffle. At that moment, Meg Giry entered the dormitory, making sure that she heard muffle, and then comforted Christine. Little Giry gently puts a hand on Christine's back so as not to surprise her, and then puts one folded leg on the bed.

"Christine... Are you okay, Christine?"

"Oh, Meg! I just wish I can tell- I mean, I wish I just know... I know how Love is."

Meg smiled faintly at her response.

"Are you talking of the Vicomte?"

"Yes! How you are correct, Meg." Christine lied. "But there is also another man... A man much of more importance yet of great danger. No, do not speak yet. Let me explain. I shall not put a name on the other man, we shall call him, 'he', 'him', and the like as we go through this story.

He lives near the opera house. Perhaps too near, if I must say. He has known me much longer than I have known him_. _I do not know how _he _has met me or known of me. Like you, I've started with a small, small name. I came as an orphan, a poor naïve orphan. When I met him, I had a bit of doubt in my heart. I knew not whether to trust him. But I did! Why, you may think? He was able to answer my questions honestly. I expected the sweetest of words that would come out of an average suitor, but instead he answers with humility. He was a man of many wonders... a genius!... Along with his genius is madness! Madness and horror! Pure, pure, horror. Do not worry, he did not do anything bad... But, I cannot help but pity him. When we were... close... _friends..._ there I met the True him! He fooled me like a little girl. He- he would be the most peculiar man. He cries and moans, he would curse himself, he treated me like a fragile glass doll, he confesses his cheat! If you just saw how he kneeled in front of me, his eyes so full of the most tragic stories the world has given, you could not remove the image from your mind. You would feel pity, mercy, sadness, all of it! All of what his heart has felt... There I knew that his past is not of comfort but rather a tragic one. But, it was just a guess...

I've only known him but for a few months, no more than six months, but then he confessed. It was one of those times where he would kneel down in front of me, asking for attention like a dog would. His cold yet sad eyes would look at me, his cold yet slightly trembling hands near the hemlines of my dress... I did not reply when he confessed his love, rather, I kept off the topic. What can I reply, my friend? What indeed? Once again, you must wonder why I cannot reply. It is because... because...

I do now know what real love is!"

After that, Christine lets out a loud sigh. There was dull silence between them. Meg then inhales deeply and replies: "Christine, you feel horror, pity, sadness, and fear... But why? He sounds like a great man if it not for his, shall I say, desperation. He is like... like... yes! A prodigal prince! Is he not? Is he not a prodigal prince who just wants Love?"

Meg waited for a reply, but Christine seemed too dumbfounded.

"Let me tell you," Little Giry continued, "what love is. Or, shall I tell you what it is like! I am no expert, but I've experienced first love. It does not have a happy ending because of mama, but that is a different story. When I first saw my prince, for some reason, I felt like we were connected. Something always kept me pulling towards him. When I talk to him, I feel different emotions. I feel happy because he's there. I feel nervous because I might stutter something stupid. I feel jumpy because he was a man of many surprises. I felt calm because he seemed like a man who can protect me like a night. Overall, my heartbeat is different. A good different.

Now, there's a man, a noble man, a baron, who is courting me. Maybe someday, I can love him. The baron can be peculiar at times... Nonetheless, he can still be charming and be like a brother.

Did that help you a bit Christine?"

Christine smiled sweetly at little Giry. The soprano used her two hands to hold the ballerina's hands.

"You've no idea how much it has helped me, Meg. I pray for the best for you and the Baron."

"I'm glad, Christine. Now, do tell... Why have you returned to our dormitory? You are usually in your far dressing room!"

"I just thought of reminiscing. Do you remember when Madame Giry scolded me for clumsily entering the opera, 'The Marriage of Figaro'? I came here crying like I never did. But then, she sew my favorite pair of ballet shoes later that day."

"Something similar happened to me! She brought me a new dress! It wasn't much though..."

The friends continued to talk about their memories of their childhood. Christine was able to get her mind off the Opera Ghost that night. But, on the next day, it just became more complicated.


End file.
